Soho 02.nov.05

Soho 06.nov.05

Finally ! This afternoon I moved in to Christines flat. She´ll let me sleep in the cupboard. It´s not totally Harry Potter living under the stairs, but it´s close. All my belongings fit in one big box so the actual moving went fast. Me and Christine took her car to Ikea and bought a new matress, and some new pillows for me. Later, when we ate spaghetti in her kitchen, her boyfriend ´Large Clive`, came by. He looked a bit upset and said , " Christine, you didn´t inform me that you had a flatmate ?" Christine said, " It´s only Dev", as though I were an eunuch. " We´re in separate beds..." I left the room, but heard Clive say, " Christine, what do you see in him ?" She replied, " I like intellectual men.Theres more to live than sex, Clive" Large Clive said, " Is there ? " He sounded genuinely surprised.

I must say, dear diary, that the last thing I´d want is a "menage á troi", Christines ancles and wrist are way to thin. Before I went to sleep I had to call my uncle Tinder and tell him to shut off the electric heater beside his bed. There has been more than one near-fire-accident when his  duvet has covered the oven during the night. I hate Tinder, but he is family...

Another slow day at work. It was a total og 17 customers today. That means a total of 3,54 pound in tip. Hooray! O joy ! Happy day! Enough  of the sarcasm... Luigi offered to cut my hair and give me a shave today ; " You shouldn´t have to look like a bleedin´ indian Princess Diana on testosteron ! " I was too shocked to say anything, so he took my silence as a yes, and tomorrow he´s bringing his home-hairdresser-kit. Lisa had her day off today so there was not a single shred of light at work today. At home Christine had some alarming news for me; " Dev, Clive is getting a bit jealeous, to say the least. Can´t you tell him that you don´t look at me as a sex-object ?  I think that would calm him down a bit." I said " Well of course I can, I surely don´t look at you as a possible sex-partner". She went kind of sour then and turned on the tv. I must have done somehing wrong, though honestly dear diary, I don´t know what ?  There was a wall of silence between us so I took to the streets and wandered around for a good hour and a half before I snook in to my cupboard and went to sleep. Woke up at 01.20 am in panic and called Tinder to tell him to shut of the oven besides his bed. He didn´t thank me. One of these days I will stop reminding him.

Soho 10.nov.05 

Tinder called me at work today and asked for a  favour. His new wife, Pratiba, found a stable of "Big and Bouncy" in one of the closets. She then went raving mad and threatened to divorce him. At least that´s what Tinder said. He asked me if I could tell Pratiba that it was my magazines, and that he already had told her that they were mine. What choice did that leave me with ? When I came round to collect "my" magazines, Pratiba interrogated me as if I were a war-criminal. I confirmed that all the "Big and Bouncy" belonged to med, while Tinder was lurking nervously about in the kitchen.  Pratiba said in a high pitch ;  " Aren´t you ashamed, Dev ?! "   I just looked at my shoes. She tusked my hair and said ; " You´re a good boy after all, Tinder. Now throw those magazines in the bin, ok ?" I did so and said goodbye. As I was walking down the street, I heard Tinder open the door and saw him looking longingly at the bin. Pratiba shouted to him, and he went back in.If he were a dog he would have had his tail between his legs. I don´t think he is very happy.

At work Luigi forgot his home-hairdresser-kit, so I still look like Princess Diana on testosteron, according to him. He has friday and saturday off, so he promised to give me a haircut on sunday instead.  When I came home Christine was cooking dinner. Angel hair spaghetti and some salad. Unfortunately ,Large Clive was already sitting at the table. He looked at me once, nodded a silent ´hello´, and then pretended that I was air. I took my plate and sat in front of the TV. I don´t mind watching re-runs off "Eastenders".  When Large Clive left, me and Christine spent the the rest of the evenig watching one boring talk-show after another. Before I went to sleep, I called Tinder. He was very angry at me for throwing the "Big and Bouncy" magazines in  the bin. I told him he could just pick them up again, but he said ; " I don´t dare. Pratiba can be very scary sometimes."

Soho 11.nov.05

Worked with Lisa at Savage tonight. She looked even more beautiful than usual. Her hair was tied in a knot, she wore a knee-lenght skirt, and a cardigan with only one button right over her cleavage. The perfume she wears makes me dizzy and her lips make me wanna kiss her. After tonight, dear diary, I´m wondering if I am in love with her or just in lust ?!?   I am about to turn 21 now, and the only reason I´m not still a virgin is my half-cousin Neda and her experimentation with drugs. I was practically her slave for the 3 months I lived at her in Brighton. I still have mixed feelings for her. She´s pretty for her age (41) though...  I walked Lisa home after work and when we split she gave me a hug. That was only half an hour ago so the smell of her is still on me.                                                 Christine is already asleep and there is no sign of Large Clive. Thank God for that !

Saturday was very busy at Savage so I didn´t see much of Lisa. I even went home after her, so no good-night hug either. Sunday was off so me and Christine went out for brunch at 12 o´clock. We had a classic english meal ; eggs, bacon and sausages. It taste good but I swear I could feel my cholesterol level going up by 10 percent !  After finishing our tea we went for a stroll in Wisteria Park. Lots of happy people, familys, children feeding the ducks and me. I can´t say that I´m unhappy but I´m not happy either. I guess that´s what they call contempt ?  We then bought some newspapers and some magazines  at the BP station and went home. At around five Luigi came by to cut my hear and trim my underdeveloped beard. I now look like a very slim indian neo-nazi ! I am not pleased with my new hairdo but both Luigi and Christine says it looks very nice, yet I swear I heard them laughing as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror checking it out.  Just then uncle Tinder called. He wanted me to come over for tea. I wanted to say no but since the phone was on the speaker and Christine said I should go, I couldn´t. Tinder heard Christines voice and asked me to bring her too. I said I would if I could bring Luigi too. Uncle Tinder said : " Of course, the more the merrier, and I can´t stand to be alone with Pratiba". On the way over I told Christine and Luigi about Tinders habit of boiling eggs in the teawater. Luigi then insisted on buyign a caffe latte at Starbucks. When we were seated around the kitchen table at Tinder, Luigi had the nerve to mention the incident with the Big and Bouncy magazines. Luigi thought it was a funny story, but that´s because I didn´t tell him how angry Pratiba can be. Tinder went pale and Pratiba went out of the kitchen, without saying a word. We knew it was time to leave then. When we stood in the hallway Tinder asked if he could come with us. I guess none of us took it for nothing but a joke. But now I am not so sure. When we walke down the stairs, I looked up at Tinder and he looked dead scared.

Soho 16.nov.2005 

Large Clive has got a new job. He is going to sell training equipment !  And it´s not like he´s gonna sell to fitness centers or something, no, he´ll be a doorseller! If Large Clive knocked at my door at 10 o`clock in the morning, and I didn´t knew who he was, I swear, I would never open the door. An overly sized man with a barbell in each hand, looking nervously to the left and the righ. I mean he´s just sooo big, and looks a bit like a "handsome" Neanderthal, if you can imagine that... Anyway, Christine is dead happy he´s off social wages, cuz that´s not much to live on. She and Large Clive had dinner in the appartment last night to celebrate his new career, so when I came home from work at around elleven, they were kind of ready for ´dessert´, if you know what I mean. I took off to the streets again, and went to Starbucks. I had two espressos, before realizing that meant I wouldn´t sleep very much tonight... Came home half an hour later, Christine sat in front of the tellly, and Clive had left. Christines cheeks were in a pink hue, so I knew they had had ´dessert´. I long for ´dessert´myself... And dear diary, you know what I mean !

Thursday was my day off, so I slept till 10 o´clock. I made some breakfast, and watched House Detectives on BBC2 while eating.  I then went out for som newspapers and coffee at Starbucks.  I was very tired today, and I had no plans for the remainings of the day.  I went to Wisteria Park, but it was quite cold today, so I went home.  When Christine came home from work we went to Sainsbury and shopped for dinner. She decided that she wanted to make me Chicken Tandoori, and I didn´t complain ! At oriund eight, while we were watching the telly, Large Clive came by. He was in a bad mood, as his first day as a salesman had resulted in zero sales ! His car was choke full of traingequipment, and apparently, so is his flat.  I looked sadly and empathetic at him , but inside I was laughing ! Ha ha !  A gorilla as a salesman, what does he expect ?

Soho 21.nov.05

 Worked all weekend, and it was very busy at Savage this weekend, so I am very, very tired. Today I planned on sleeping, but Large Clive woke me up at around 9 o´clock. ( I went to bed at 04.00 in the morning ) . He said : " Sorry Dev, but I don´t wanna go to work today." I said : " And why is that ? "  Large Clive said : " People don´t take me seriousy".  I was a bit baffled so I didn´t reply to this. Then he said ; "Do you take me seriously ? " I lied and said : "Of course I do." He seemed to believe this and asked if I wanted some tea. I got out of bed and had a quick shower while he made tea and toasted some bread. We sat together in complete silence, and eventually he said :"I guess I have to try and sell some equipment... ". I just nodded, and we kept on bonding for another ten minutes. Then he got up and said : " Don´t tell Christine about this conversation, please ? " He looked at me with eyes like a cocker spaniel. I said ; " Of course not."  And then he smiled. I am still shellshocked. Is Large Clive a human after all ?

Last night Christine handed me two small, blue pills she had been given by Large Clive. She said : ´Clive said you should popp these pills and you would wake up as healthy-feeling as a newborn baby`.I didn´t comment on that, but I thought to myself that this could mean, A ; Clive wants me out of the way, wich I know is a bit paranoid, or B ; Clive actually wants me to get better after our bonding last week. I chose to believe the latter, popped the pills and woke up today, after 17 hours og continous sleep with a smile on my face ! I DO feel like a newly born ! In the shower I noticed some pimples on my arms, right under the wrists. I instantly took this as a sign of after-effect from the pills Large Clive gave me. I visited a Pharmacy this afternoon, and the woman I spooke with said I probably was allergic to flour, potatoes and/or pasta. Just my luck ! I have spaghetti 5 out of 7 days of the week...Now I have to try to eat a lot of vegetables and fish. I guess that ain´t bad, but I am a spaghettiaddict ! Working with Lisa this weekend, finally something to cheer me up !

At work yesterday, Luigi asked me if I was on any kind of hormon pills. I said ; " Excuse me, why are you asking me that ?!" Luigi said ; " Your beard, man. It grows like newly fertilized grass ! "  I said ; " It´s a family syndrome. In sixth grade I had a full beard, but I could not tie my shoes properly ! ". When I got home at around midnight, Christine had left me a note saying she was sleeping at Large Clives appartment. I put on my Dido CD, and shaved.

Spent most of the weekend playing Scrabble with Christine, Large Clive and Luigi. I don´t want to be "show-off" but I won every single round One highlight was when he insisted to write couboy instead of cowboy. Luigi challenged it and of course he was right. But Large Clive insisted. We all ( not Large Clive- ) laughed and he (LC) went into the kitchen. Christine had to drag him back to the game. (Luigi said he heard her promising him sex after the game ). Evenually he came out. His ears were red, from shame I´d guess. Monday night Luigi, Lisa and me went to the movies and watched "Shopgirl" with Claire Danes. We all loved it - and the soundtrack was very nice.

We had a christmas-rehearsal-dinner today... Update is coming !!!

Lisa and me went shopping today. Last-minute-presents for our friends and colleauges. For Christine I bought a handmade necklace with fake pearls on. Lisa liked it so I guess it suits Christine. I also bought a little something for Large Clive, a book with poems of the great english poet William Blake. If he doesn´t enjoy he´ll give it to Christine, wich then probably will give it to me. It´s a win-win situation
Christine and Large Clive were "intimate" tonight. I counted the minutes and at 7 Large Clive shouted "sweeeeet mother!!!". Five minutes later he left. I turned on the telly then...

Soho 01.01.06 

Woke up today in Luigis bathroom with a dead corpse in my mouth. Or so it felt at least...  A blacksmith was hard at work inside my forehead and there was puke all over my clothes. And the bathroom, and the sink. I took of all my clothes and cleaned the bathroom, then checked to see how Luigi felt. Luigi obvously wasn´t at home, but Lisa was hard asleep on the sofa by the telly. She was covered in an enormous plaid. I let her sleep and snook out the door and went home. At home I took another shower, made a pot of tea and sat down in front of the telly. Christine is in Birmingham with Large Clive and won´t be home until tuesday. BBC was doing re-runs of Jack Frost and I was quite pleased with that. Will write more tomorrow.